It still doesn't feel real that our group leaves on Saturday, that in four days, I will be gone for a week. That I won't see my wife, that I won't sleep in my own bed. That I won't be in my little town of Deer Park. This is my first trip to Mexico, my first extended trip from home, and my first trip out of the country. Lot of big firsts that I'm checking off.

If you had asked me prior to sitting down and writing this, how I was feeling about the trip. I would have told you I was nervous and excited. Now I just feel the familiar knot in my stomach of anxiety and fear. I would have said I was nervous about traveling down, nervous about being away from home, nervous about a lot of things. But right now, I can't focus on one thing. I feel like hiding under my covers until fear goes away like a child does. Only I am not a child.

I don't say this so you will feel sorry for me. I say this because this is on my mind and I want you to know where I am at. What I am feeling. I want you to be able to read this and read my posts during and after the trip and say 'wow, what a difference'. I say this because I don't want to just tell you that I am excited and nervous. Because while I am excited, and nervous. There is so much more that can be said. So much more that I am not quite able to pin under one emotion because the thought of it causes almost a boiling pot of emotions that I try and decipher with no success.

I can't wait to see the children, to interact with them. I can't wait for the time spent with the group, I don't know all of the group very well so I embrace the discomfort to build strong bonds. I can't wait to eat the food, to watch someone from a different culture than my own, go about their everyday life. To... for lack of a better term, be a stranger in a strange land. I welcome the discomfort, I look forward to the times when things don't go as planned. When we are struggling to keep our heads above water. To celebrate any victories we may have.

I read back over this and am tempted to delete it and rewrite it, but I don't wish to paint an imperfect picture for you of where I am today. I look forward to getting to share my thoughts with you as the trip goes on. As I come home and try to make sense of the week.

I'm not very good at coming up with endings for these things, so I will leave with this. Pray for our group, pray for our leaders, pray for our travel and don't be afraid to ask questions when you see us around.

Thanks for reading, until next time.
Nicholas